10. December 2009 by admin.

The unemployment figures are all over the news. The general consensus is that the economy is very bad.  It’s not a good time to find a job.

Social Anxiety makes this much worse.  I feel like I have done all that I can to find a new job and  increase my income. I have been passively looking for over 2 years. I intensified my search the last 6 months or so. I have applied for dozens and dozens of jobs, and I am not picky. The bottom line is I need income and am willing to work.  I have used craigslist, snagajob.com, careerbuilder, monster,etc.  I have applied for jobs directly on employer sites and submitted applications for non-existent openings.

I have been called or scheduled for a total of 4 interviews. Only two interviews happened. One never returned my return call. Recently a major corporation wasted a lot of my time without explanation.

What about the two interviews that happened? I thought one went well and felt like a pleasant conversation. I had experience in the specific job and expressed my willingness to fit their budget and do the work they needed. I never heard back.

I DID get hired for one “job.” I ended up scheduled for 1 day of work in 2 months on the schedule. I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. and drive an hour to a building in the middle of nowhere. Then I worked a shift where I was instructed to do the exact opposite I what I was “trained” to do and perform a task I was specifically told I would not. I accepted this “job” because I was very concerned my social anxiety would prevent any other offers.  I was right.

What does any of this have to do with social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety has never affected my ability to do a job. It has only affected my ability to GET one. My S.A. is an automatic disqualification for many employers, even when it does not affect my work at all. My social anxiety is physically apparent, and it is easy to “screen out” during an interview.

( to be continued)

Posted in jobs, social anxiety | 2 Comments »

29. October 2009 by admin.

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

28. July 2009 by admin.

I’ve been on facebook for a few months now, but I recently got the custom url/id of “couzens. You can find me on facebook here: Graham Couzens Facebook.

I also joined Twitter because of a comment on my social anxiety fitness post. I am mostly following business and thought leaders in a few industries plus psychology/anxiety authors.

Graham Couzens Twitter.

 I also have started getting in better shape and losing weight. More on that later.

Posted in social anxiety, General | 1 Comment »

25. March 2009 by admin.

I was reading some social anxiety blogs and noticed Sinking in Ecstasy had a post about the social anxiety disorder diet. In other words Mike discussed the eating and excercise habits of those with social anxiety, shared his experiences, and offered some suggestions and diet resources.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I am probably around 30 pounds overweight. I think I wear it well, though it is obvious-especially in my face. I mostly got lazy and decided I was OK with just eating whatever and not bothering to exercise too much.

My biggest problems are depression and irregular sleep schedule. Both are directly related to social anxiety disorder. Social Anxiety causes depression and depression works against overcoming social anxiety. It’s a cycle. While depressed it is very hard to get any motivation. When it is hard to get things done procrastination sets in and I have to pull a lot of all-nighters or get things done whenever the mood hits me. This is usually at odd hours after massive amounts of caffeine. Sometimes eating junk makes me feel better, though I’m sure it’s a bad idea. Days go by in a blur sometimes. Multiple days of being depressed and doing nothing but sitting, eating, and sleeping.

The fact is I am in lousy shape, and I need to take the initiative do do something about it.  The weight really isn’t the biggest issue. I am getting old and I want to prevent illnesses. I also miss doing things like being able to run without getting winded and dunking a basketball. I want to be more flexible, have my joints feel better, and just have a higher quality of life. I would also feel better going out in public with my thin face.

My highest level of confidence and social relaxation coincided with the time of my life when I was in my best shape- my late teen years. I don’t think it is any coincidence. When I was a teenager I grew wide when others were growing taller. From the ages of 13-15 I gained 60 lbs but only one inch of height. I was very depressed. Fortunately I grew 8 more inches and basically stayed the same weight. Through healthy eating, weight lifting, and sports I gained muscle and lost fat. I was in decent shape when I was 18 or 19 years old. I was lean and could run without getting winded. I could bench press well over my bodyweight. I also had a lot of energy. I felt a lot better about myself and girls showed me attention for the first time. If you are a guy with social anxiety, you understand what a big deal that is.

Then I got complacent. I got too comfortable. My set point went up a few pounds every year. I stopped lifting weights, stopped playing sports. And I stopped working on my social anxiety. Then reality hit, and it’s been punching me in the face every day since.

A guy I know was telling me about a workout program he followed that helped him lose 35 pounds and get in much better shape. I am thinking about doing it, but this particular thing does cost some money.  While I consider getting on board with that, there is no time to waste. There is no better time to start doing something than right NOW. So I am going to figure out today what I am going to change and hopefully see some results before I decide about that program.

I am going to take before and after pics and stats, but I’m going to keep the methods a secret until after the experiment.

Posted in fitness, social anxiety | 3 Comments »

17. March 2009 by admin.

People with social anxiety are often embarrassed by the smallest things, the littlest mistakes or failures. I am no exception. When you publish on the internet and attach your real name to your opinions, this can be especially difficult. I wrote things 8-9 years ago that are preserved in some form for eternity..or at least a very long time. When I was 13 I won an essay contest and my essay is supposed to remain in a time capsule for 100 years. Who knows if that will really happen. I guess the main thing to take away is that I WON. Someone, actually a few individuals, were impressed by what I wrote. I would probably cringe if I read it today.

It’s not that I think I held any beliefs or have done any things in my life that were terrible or unforgivable. I guess I just dwell on the past. I think people will read things about me and think I am that person- a teenager or naive thinker, rather than the person I have become. I am proud that I have grown, and I always continue to think about life and better ways of being. I guess I just have no faith in the ability of others to see things that way.

I also really don’t like to revisit places or things that hold any bad memories. There are certain shows I can’t watch, music I can’t listen to, and places I can’t go. There are relatives I don’t talk to, and they are probably hurt by it. But I can’t escape the embarrassment of the person they thought I was or expected me to be.

I feel like someone is going to come up to me and say “Hey, didn’t you used to be Graham Couzens?” But that’s probably pretty arrogant on my part. In reality, no one really gives a fuck about Graham Couzens. That comes from all the praise I received when I was a kid, when people thought I was “smart”, when I wrote award winning essays, won art contests, won the Field Day free throw shooting competition, had the highest scores in Math League, etc. But that was a long time ago.

When I decided to write about social anxiety I knew I had to be open and use my real name. I knew that Graham Couzens would = Social Anxiety Disorder. I doubt anyone Googles “Graham Couzens.” But if they did, they would probably see a dysfunctional individual with minority political beliefs ( since I have the “extreme” stance of believing individuals > The State). Well, that’s me.

I read a lot about employers using Google and searching Facebook for dirt on job candidates. I guess at some point I might have to look for a job. I am probably pretty much unemployable anyway. So I probably shouldn’t worry about that. Since I have social anxiety I find some of the stories amusing. I hear about people who supposedly lose job offers because they have drunken pictures on Facebook or Myspace. Really? I find it hard to believe. I mean, I’ve been taught my whole life and observed that this is what “normal” people do. If people like to party ( not that I think there is anything wrong with that), I would think that would be a positive. They probably know how to “work well with others,” get along with the team, and so on. I think social anxiety has more of a stigma than substance abuse, violence, or being a lousy person. All that stuff is forgiveable if you say the right things, know how to play politics, and other superficial bullshit. If you have social anxiety, it doesn’t matter if you know what you are doing and get things done. People treat you like an idiot.

If I have to apply for a job and people hold my social anxiety against me, Fuck Them. I think that says more about that lousy person than it does about me.  I might feel embarrassed after writing this, but I doubt it.

I’ve been discriminated against because of my social anxiety. There is no doubt about it. I’ve been treated like shit, had business refused, turned down for shitty jobs below my skill level,etc. I don’t have a chip on my shoulder. I have a fucking boulder. I need to let that go. I shouldn’t be motivated by revenge or whatever you want to call it. I need to allow myself to just live.

Life is about growth. I talk about my social anxiety because I want to grow as an individual. I want to be happy and be a good person in spite of my flaws. I am an individual with strengths and weaknesses. I am constantly seeking out new information and knowledge, different viewpoints, and methods for dealing with life. If someone can’t appreciate that or only sees value in clones that fit some mold, Oh well.

Posted in social anxiety, General | 1 Comment »

11. February 2009 by admin.

Most visitors who come to my main site are looking for information about social anxiety. While I feel my site is sloppy, ugly, and not particularly well-written, some visitors find a couple of pages particularly useful.

For example:

Speech Phobia - In many social situations I have physical difficulty with speaking. This can be any situation from the most minor to most important or scary. Little things are difficult.

Social Anxiety Jobs - This article was actually about doing things like getting a hair cut and getting your car’s oil changed with social phobia. These are tasks that are difficult for me. Then I went on to discuss the fact that some regular purchases and tasks are also put-off for financial reasons. How do people with social anxiety earn money to live. Can they just get a job? It depends.

Posted in social anxiety | No Comments »

6. February 2009 by admin.

I have decided to add a sub domain with a Wordpress blog. My main site mostly focuses on living with Social Anxiety Disorder. This blog will be much broader and I will write about anything I feel like from my personal health, wealth, and experience to politics, social issues, pop culture, etc.

Posted in General | 2 Comments »